Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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