My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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