she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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