I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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