what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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