I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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