I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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