Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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