I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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