but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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