Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi

(425): View more from Washington

hahaha how?

(954): View more from Florida

its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery

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(954): i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi (425): hahaha how? (954): its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery http://tfl.nu/yw6o

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(845): View more from New York

maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night

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(845): maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night http://tfl.nu/d95d

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(817): View more from Texas

I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not

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(817): I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not http://tfl.nu/w4u2

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.

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(843): Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/84sw

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(320): View more from Minnesota

so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

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(320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville.. http://tfl.nu/vgyl

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.

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(814): Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today. http://tfl.nu/lhgy

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(912): View more from Georgia

There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

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(912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj

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(970): View more from Colorado

And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

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(970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out http://tfl.nu/oush

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(970): View more from Colorado

She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.

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(970): She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat. http://tfl.nu/yazk

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"

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(901): I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl" http://tfl.nu/soyj

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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard

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(314): You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard http://tfl.nu/m8tv

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(434): View more from Virginia

Our room will be decorated with my urine.

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(434): Our room will be decorated with my urine. http://tfl.nu/12hg

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

The pool is covered.....

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Like that would stop me.

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(781): Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool (1-781): The pool is covered..... (781): Like that would stop me. http://tfl.nu/tch5

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...

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(859): I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud... http://tfl.nu/ip6k

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me

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(479): Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me http://tfl.nu/1kph

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