I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
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You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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