just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize