we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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