I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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