i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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