No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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