You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize