Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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