Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize