I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize