Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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