omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize