if i can run in heels then i can drive
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize