If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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