I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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