you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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