the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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