I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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