dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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