I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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