i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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