im holly from the hills drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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