I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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