Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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