On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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