did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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