she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want to be your penis for a week.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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