Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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