Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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