Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize