I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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