I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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