I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize