drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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