I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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