Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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