my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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