my vag is so smooth its legendary
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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