Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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